I'm Great At Ignoring Things

Or rather, I'm great at not sitting still enough to blog or do what I set out to do as a New Year's Resolution. Life has become vastly busy since my last post, but I'm not going to complain. I've graduated college, was able to get a job within three weeks in the field that I originally trained in (graphic design), and have been working towards getting my driver's license and a car, now that I'm actually in need of it and have a job that can support it.

And despite stuff going on in my personal life, I am absolutely happy with where I am. For the first time, I'm really feeling like I'm settling firmly in my skin and can say that I'm my own person.

As far as writing and fanfic writing has been going, it's suffered in the last month with everything that's been going on. Right now, I do enough sitting in front of a computer that to do much more will drive me insane. So I'm thinking about taking up minimalist running (similar to barefoot running) as a form of physical exercise, with yoga or pilates on the side for stretching and relaxation routines. I'm eating healthier since getting out of school, which has really started this whole thing. I can afford healthy food, which is a shocker, but so welcome.

Changes in Plans

Then happen swiftly, and yet so often, they're for the best.

That's all that really matters, isn't it?

Editing

There's been a lot of nothing going on, thanks to the storm that ran through the state. It wasn't TOO bad, but there was about 7 or 8 inches of snow that had been dumped onto us in the span of three days. Just enough to be annoying.

And now I'm working on the edit of my novelette. There's been just so much help with this, and I'm so thankful for my friends who had put it through the grind.

I'm getting really excited. I can't wait to be done with this and be able to publish everything.

Thoughts

Why does it take thirty-some-odd years for most men to mature, while most women reach maturity around twenty-five? Is there some sort of note that gets passed around in grade school saying, "Don't grow up! The boogey-man will eat your nose if you do!" or something?

Every day has me waiting rather impatiently for the loan money from school to come in. Waiting for a computer that can handle 3DS Max is starting to torture me. I really need to be working on things when I'm at home, not just while I'm at school.

The pick-up in the guitar decided to come undone this week. I still have no idea how to get it back in place.

It's frustrating to try to tell someone something ... and all you feel is a brick wall.

The costumes for Boskone 49 are as follows: something ren-faire-ish with a hint of fantasy added; a "Lady Jayne," and Jazz, winterized. I need to find some white material to turn into armwarmers and legwarmers.

New Beginnings

I love and loathe moving. I hate change, but I've learned to accept it in my life. In most ways, anyway. At the same time, I love the fresh beginnings, the new starts. I love a clean slate. It's so ... easy. Burden-free.

Unfortunately, the same can't be said about my schedule. I've been running on the go for the last three days, and this is the first time that I've been able to sit down and actually type. Been crazy, but good. Been to a seminar, talking with new friends across the country, working on everything from a portfolio piece to fanfiction.

More tomorrow.

Frozen Over

Frustrated at a situation, I took a walk today. Now, in Sharon, I live right around the high school, so walking to the lake isn't that far. Walking across Memorial Beach without a camera and a good reason wasn't really enough to get my frustration worked out. So I decided to look at one of the maps and figure out where to go from there.  Taking a stroll to find the skating rink seemed like a good idea.

Thus, I stumbled upon a wooded area with maintained trails and workout stations that were built in and placed in such a fashion that they seemed to be part of the scenery.

The trail took me around a beautiful little park and in a round-about way, to the skating rink. The noise is what drew me there first. A group of guys were enjoying their day off of school and were playing a game of hockey. The ice reverberated with light doings and the sound of high-tension wires being plucked. It was eerie, captivating. The trail went past one end of the frozen little pond, looping around past an abandoned building before curling around the other end.

The chance to really enjoy a walk in a wooded area, alone, hasn't ever really come up before. The solitude was a relief. Now that I know it's there, I'll be taking more walks to the area. Not only do I need the exercise, but it helps me center and focus again. It's going to be a great way to unwind from a school or work day.

Back to unpacking.

Irritation.

Irritated at an ex-boyfriend who seems determined to keep me "on tap," not wanting to break a friendship, but at the same time, still hopes that he has a chance with me. Frustrated at how he doesn't want to let go, afraid that if he does, he's broken a good thing. Well, his choices ended our relationship because I was not compromising on my values or on the decision of direction where I'm going to take my life.

For THAT matter, I'm getting increasingly jaded and frustrated with how effeminate men of faith in America make themselves out to be! They've utterly emasculated themselves! And what's worse? I'm a strong woman. I need a strong man to partner with. He must know more than me about the Bible, and he must challenge me to know more about my faith, and he must be a manly man's man! And what do I see everywhere? Ugh. Men who are doormats. Weak spines and simpering platitudes. It's enough to make me lose hope in ever meeting a man of God who is single, mature, emotionally mature, and, to be realistic, somewhat handsome. It makes me wonder where I have to be in order to meet this "mysterious someone."

What the heck do I have to do? I mean, honestly? What circles do I have to become a part of? What places do I have to be visible in? What will it take? I'm not desperate, but I'm tired of not having a soul-deep friend I can rely upon. I'm tired of the hurt that comes from an ex-boyfriend being a pain in the neck and playing hopscotch with my heart, only talking to me when he wants to and when he wants some hole in his heart filled.

After this week, I'm not taking any more of his crap.