Irritation.

Irritated at an ex-boyfriend who seems determined to keep me "on tap," not wanting to break a friendship, but at the same time, still hopes that he has a chance with me. Frustrated at how he doesn't want to let go, afraid that if he does, he's broken a good thing. Well, his choices ended our relationship because I was not compromising on my values or on the decision of direction where I'm going to take my life.

For THAT matter, I'm getting increasingly jaded and frustrated with how effeminate men of faith in America make themselves out to be! They've utterly emasculated themselves! And what's worse? I'm a strong woman. I need a strong man to partner with. He must know more than me about the Bible, and he must challenge me to know more about my faith, and he must be a manly man's man! And what do I see everywhere? Ugh. Men who are doormats. Weak spines and simpering platitudes. It's enough to make me lose hope in ever meeting a man of God who is single, mature, emotionally mature, and, to be realistic, somewhat handsome. It makes me wonder where I have to be in order to meet this "mysterious someone."

What the heck do I have to do? I mean, honestly? What circles do I have to become a part of? What places do I have to be visible in? What will it take? I'm not desperate, but I'm tired of not having a soul-deep friend I can rely upon. I'm tired of the hurt that comes from an ex-boyfriend being a pain in the neck and playing hopscotch with my heart, only talking to me when he wants to and when he wants some hole in his heart filled.

After this week, I'm not taking any more of his crap.